Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
