i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
