remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
