I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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