Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
my liver is dry heaving
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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