i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
