I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
