How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
