I hate all girls vehemently.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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