My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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