Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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