You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I skipped work to stalk him.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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