you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
