and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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