he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
