guys are not supposed to queef...right?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
