Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
