You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
