sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
