So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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