If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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