i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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