You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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