That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I AM VODKA MAN
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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