Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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