I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
