Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
