Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
NoShamevember. You game?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
