party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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