Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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