I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
