Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
