I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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