Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
