Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
