Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
