Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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