yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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