Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
