ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
