I just pynch a tree in the face
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
