I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
