Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
