My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
