guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
