you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
