I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
