Got a toothbrush?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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