I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
