first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
