I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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