is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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