oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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